Step 1: Realize You’ve Been Online Too Long
If you’ve started arguing with a bot about pineapple on pizza, it’s time.

Warning sign: You think 5G caused your plants to die.

Step 2: Prepare for the Outdoors
This involves real clothes, not just pajamas and shame.

Put on pants (yes, both legs).

Shoes? Optional. Socks with sandals? Only if you're ready for public judgment.

Sunscreen, unless you're going out at 8 PM like a vampire.

Step 3: Locate the Exit
Doors are the portals to the outside world. Find one.

Don’t be alarmed by the big yellow light in the sky. That’s called the sun.

If you feel a breeze, don’t panic – it’s just wind, not a ghost.

Step 4: Find Grass
Green stuff on the ground. Not lettuce. Not Minecraft blocks. Actual. Real. Grass.

Avoid dog parks unless you're wearing ****-proof boots.

Bonus points if you lie down and dramatically whisper, “I’m free…”

Step 5: Touch It
Extend hand. Bend down. Gently pat the grass.

“Congratulations! You have now touched grass. Achievement unlocked.” 🏆

Optional Bonus Steps
Sniff a flower (don’t eat it).

Say hi to a bird (expect no reply).

Shout “I HAVE TOUCHED GRASS” to assert dominance.